Listen to me, my darling. Coming into yourself could be the most difficult challenge you have to face. If self-love were that easy, nobody would fail at it.
But we fail. We fail because we are humans, after all, who hate the idea of being alone. We fail because from the moment we were born into this world, we were surrounded by people who have shown us different types of love, except the one we get from being alone. That would not have made it hard except we’ve also been conditioned into believing that every goodbye, every next chapter, every end means there is an absence of love. After all, no one tells you ‘Okay, I’m leaving because this is the part where you do self-love.’ No. When people leave, there’s no one to make us feel that loving feeling anymore. And so we have come to dread being alone. In fact, we panic at the thought of it. We think that to be alone must mean no one loves you.
But being alone doesn’t mean there’s an absence of love. There is a type of love that can exist and the only problem with it is that you have to learn it alone. People can do so much as tell you about it but you never really learn how to do it properly until you go through the motions – until you face your biggest fear.
When you do that, you learn that there are several ways to do it, and you learn that it may have to be the hardest thing you ever have to do.
Because to love yourself means you have to fully examine yourself and you work with what you have even if they are things you hate the most about you. It means you stop telling yourself lies to make you feel better but instead, you offer to yourself the gift of acceptance. Sometimes, to love yourself means finding a way to live with your flaws, turning them into your strengths as opposed to treating them as your weaknesses. Sometimes, it means putting yourself first before someone else. Sometimes, it means being at war with yourself – saying no to the things that will be bad for you even if every cell in your body wants to say yes. Sometimes, it is forgiving yourself for being unreliable, for not knowing better.
And believe me, my darling, you’re gonna have a lot of forgiving to do because you won’t always get it right the first time. Sometimes, you’ll fail yourself. And those times, you’re gonna have to learn to forgive even if it’s the last thing you want to do and even if the temptation to practice self-loathing calls at you louder than understanding.
Once you come to accept that you will mess up sometimes, treating yourself better will be easier. And that’s when the pay off starts. Eventually, you’ll grow into loving yourself deeply. Just be patient because trust me, this is an adventure where you will return a different person – stronger, happier and not afraid to be alone anymore.
Sonnet 11 